2001-12-14 - 10:42 p.m.: Nestle's Strawberry Quick

So I've been feeling kind of drained and a little strung-out these past few days... lots of stuff happening all at once... lots of endings. Tonight I just wanted to go to sleep... but I ended up having to babysit my little brother. Well... not really because he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself... but... well, I don't get to "play" with him very often. I had SOOOOOO much fun tonight! We watched reruns of the Simpsons for a little while, then got tired of that and played "Pass the Pigs" -- an incredibly dumb game that had us rolling on the floor... then he tried to do magic tricks for me... then we tried juggling socks and candlesticks... then we practiced sliding down the stairs on our butts... then we did impersonations of our parents.. :o) I LOVE THAT KID!!! He wants to be an elf when he grows up... or a wizard (the good kind). He makes me feel like I'm nine.

But I don't think that's too hard to do. :o) Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm stunted. Doomed to remain the same age forever. Even pysically, I don't look like a "woman." I look like a kid. I'm twenty-two years old and I still gallop up the stairs on all fours when no one's looking.. when I forget to be looked at. I still bite my fingernails in public. I *sniffle* instead of politely blowing my nose. I swing my arms when I walk and don't wear a watch or carry a purse. I keep everything in my pockets and forget to take it out before I do laundry. I hug my pillow when I sleep. I've lost every piece of jewelry I've ever owned.

So when am I going to finally get "refined"? When I do, will I have as much fun? Will I notice if I don't?

After tonight... I don't think I want to. I felt better than I've felt in SO long and I got nothing done.. thought nothing through...

:o) I wish emoticons gave justice to smiles.

I wish little brothers stayed that way... or grew up into elves or magicians. He thinks I still believe in Santa Claus... so he won't let on that he doesn't, because he doesn't want to ruin the surprise. :o)

What can you say to someone who makes you feel so good without even trying? Thank you?

Mmmm.... what the hell have I been so sad about? No matter what shitty things are happening in the world... I have about as much humor as I can handle bundled up in my own body and mind. Laughs for life... The best joke of all. :o) Too bad it took an eleven-year-old kid to point it out to me. Lucky me...!

inward...outward