2005-05-15 - 11:09 p.m.: helium

His thought was this:
to leave the solitudes that pampered him
and join those whose days are drowned in sound,
to approach someone as one would the sea…

-Rainer Maria Rilke, The Schmargendorf Diary

Rilke’s words, way too often, provide the perfect narrative voice for my own obsessions and compulsions. And contradictions. I find perfection in silence but crave noise. Fucked up, right? Like the old lady who sticks her head out the window yelling, “Who’s making all that racket?” while straining her poor old ears to catch every last note or syllable. That’s me.

Happy alone but dying for any chance to swim around inside of someone else. Afraid that I’ll drown if I do more than wade. A little bit stupid.

Hmm.

inward...outward