last glass...dusty buckets...parched e-lips...sponge...drip...drop

2002-12-23 - 3:17 p.m.: sap

tithonus charged humanity with commencing a dialogue on "love"... :)

i don't even know where to start.

love has been so many wildly different things to me in the span of less than a quarter of a life... to roll it up in some words and garnish it with a sprig of analogy would be criminal. i think. but here goes:

i think it most definitely begins with a wave... sensation, emotion... tingles up and down the neck and spine to curling toes and dreamy eyes... for sure.

and somewhere in there are promises... implied or explicit.

but when it comes to the relationship itself.. i think it's more than that. and less than that. it's based on a sort of trust that can never be defined in terms of expectations, roles, duties... who will be there for whom and when...

i think it's like building a human pyramid. you enter into the game hoping to create something that's just a little bigger or better than you alone. you enter into the game for a better view... for added vision and the raw dizziness of the heights you dream of reaching but haven't been able to achieve on your own.

you can't promise that your knees and elbows will never dig into the other person's back.. and you can't promise that you'll never cry or curse when theirs dig into yours. you'll take turns being on top, making sure to give the one on the bottom a lively and colorful description of what you see and feel when they're stuck looking at dirt.

occasionally, you'll rest together on the grass for a picnic lunch, sharing stories.

if i ever decided to build a life with someone.. all i could ask would be this: that when it's over, when we're sprawled out on the ground, tired and bruised, that he tell me it was fun.

we could share a good laugh about the whole experiment and go our separate ways... or grin at each other and try again.

life is meant to be fun. i can't believe that love would be any different.

but then... love is deeper and more wonderful and complex than any private meaning i could ascribe to it... and that's for me. it's probably much different for you.


happy holidays!


after rereading the tithonus/soapbox dialogue... i think i misinterpreted the issue.

if, as it stands, the question is what are love's cues, or, when might one decide that it is a good time to name love... i think that to be rash is better. if the words overflow you.. they must be true. whereas..

i dunno.

there's something very sad about the idea of NOT saying "i love you" because of what the other person might hold you to. i used to worry about that a lot... and used to think that saying "i love you" to a person was a horrible thing to do because it forced him or her to consider his/her own feelings and perhaps obliged him/her (goddammit... zer?) to return indications of similar sentiments.

well.. fuck that.

life is SHORT... if you think you love someone, tell him or her. if he/she accuses you later of making false commitments... oh well. what can be done at that point? plod forth in imitated adoration, in drudgery, regretting letting loose a sentiment that struck you, once, as beautiful? no. go on and love someone else.

there can't be anything wrong with making that kind of mistake. :) anyone who uses those words as currency or contract-fodder, anyway, has no business using them at all...