2005-05-15 - 11:09 p.m.: helium

His thought was this:
to leave the solitudes that pampered him
and join those whose days are drowned in sound,
to approach someone as one would the sea�

-Rainer Maria Rilke, The Schmargendorf Diary

Rilke�s words, way too often, provide the perfect narrative voice for my own obsessions and compulsions. And contradictions. I find perfection in silence but crave noise. Fucked up, right? Like the old lady who sticks her head out the window yelling, �Who�s making all that racket?� while straining her poor old ears to catch every last note or syllable. That�s me.

Happy alone but dying for any chance to swim around inside of someone else. Afraid that I�ll drown if I do more than wade. A little bit stupid.

Hmm.

inward...outward