2003-02-11 - 8:42 p.m.: hemoglobin

i think people could tell that i was happy today. i got more smiles-back than ever before. it's cold outside (the snow squeaks) but warm inside me and you. so.

let's get comfortable. because...

i want to wish you a happy valentine's day. yes. the day that my friends flip-off with irreverent abandon. the day that has made hallmark (fucking hallmark) a mint. the day that will someday--when the world is finally at peace--be just cause for angry mobs in protest.

why?

because i love you.

because when i was a child in grade school, i would stay up late the night before decorating my shoebox with glitter and stripes and sealing tiny envelopes with heart-shaped stickers. because if i loved you then, i would say so quietly. i would put an extra sticker by your name. i would give you the card with the funniest joke, or the coolest cartoon, or the smoothest edges. i would give you the very-best-flavored lollipop (usually green). i would be sure to sign my name with extra neatness. i would say "i love you" so quietly that you would probably never even know.

because that was never enough to cause a ripple. because there are a lot of broken people in the world who started out as children in classrooms with valentines. because you're beautiful.

because i love that you come here, to this little electronic world, to give yourself up. i love reading about your life. i love seeing what's on and in your mind. these are the newspaper articles that make me smile about the world. about the universe. these are the histories that *should* be written down. these are the things that matter. these are the things that last.

because you make me feel like a human being.

on valentine's day i'll be telling all my secrets to the cool & crazy boy i didn't know in second grade. but today i am making a shoebox with scissors and crayons.

so...

let's be children. if you trust me enough to send me an address (it doesn't have to be yours), i will send to that address a 100% non-hallmark (fucking hallmark), homemade valentine. for free. no strings. my grandmother gave me 100 stamps for my birthday. i want to use them while they're hot.

my universe gave me hemoglobin on my birth day. i want to use it while it's warm.

if you have someone to love this valentine's day.... i hope you do it well. if you don't have someone to love this valentine's day...look around you. open your eyes. catch the sparkles in side-glances and the under-lash leers. feel mysterious and wanted. let your insides spill out. hearts are pulling at you from all directions... they're just not very loud.

inward...outward