2003-02-13 - 12:18 a.m.: squished roses

the world is swimming... when the footsteps leading to your door are the only ones you can see it is easy to believe that you are the only person alive in the world.... a lonely feeling, let me tell you... ariel is beautiful because she explores with her hands... amy is beautiful because she lives outdoors... jen is beautiful because she smiles with her eyes....the other amy is beautiful because she thinks with her heart... i am beautiful because i wait.

are you listening?

5 girls drinking wine toasting a waiter who belongs in a james bond sequel.

this is heaven as a joke.

this is hell for the lucky ones.

if you had one day to give up for any cause, what would it be?

if you had one life to give up for any person, who would it be?

if you had one thought that would run back and forth in your mind forever, what would it be?

i don't want to know. these secrets are yours.

that's the thing, you know. keeping what is yours to yourself.... and then being able to give all of that away. the whole package. there is such a thing as space. as room. but it's not what we think it is. if you have it, you know it. if you don't.......... you DON'T KNOW what you're missing. it's like.... shining your light. shine all you want... but what are you shining it on? if you say nothing, you're just wasting batteries. if it's something.. well... why not step up and take a closer look? you are ALONE... as much as you'd like to think that you have company. we're born alone. we die alone. that is what somebody wonderful said recently. it's sad and magical at the same time.

i saw so many faces tonight....looked into so many eyes. i didn't meet a soul. i think this is my fault.

so what is YOUR deal? what are you doing here? why are you reading about other peoples' lives? why are you looking into other peoples' minds? are you looking for something specific? are you looking for beauty? are you looking for a reason to believe that the things you are thinking and feeling are correct?

what?

yeah. i don't know either.

i hope you sleep well. i feel a little strange for using the word "you." i am talking to myself as well. i'm talking to be generally specific. i know you. i know me. and.... can i help it that we're the same in some ways? the language applies itself to the people who believe it. i believe this.

you are the beholder. use your eyes. create beauty. the world needs it.

yes i know i said i wouldn't do this. but isn't it a fun experiment? i'll let you know what i think about it tomorrow morning.

hahaaaa.

geez.

inward...outward