2003-02-20 - 3:16 p.m.: dark matter jam

so i wrote this years and years and years ago to remind me of what exactly i was doing on this planet, and how the universe is everything and everyone (including the nothing and the no-one).... and i wanted to stick it in here so i don't lose it to the email-eating web-monsters. enjoy!

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"You must stop thinking of life as a linear pursuit. **It is not a journey from innocence to wisdom.**"

This is what the universe has been saying to me lately. It appeared one day out of the blue and started asking me questions. At first I couldn't answer because I was too distracted by its features -- they kept changing, randomly and with no regard for privacy. ("Pay attention!" it kept saying.) Finally I was able to ignore its horrible manners and sporadic appearances and disappearances and I could concentrate on what it was saying. Mostly, it was complaining. "Centuries of evolution!' it huffed. "Centuries of prodding and preparation and hints and models and you continue to waste your lives!"

I was a bit confused. But you don't interrupt the universe when it's speaking to you... especially not when it's being so obviously irrational. So I waited.

It pulled out a sheet of paper (from I don't know where!) and placed it on the table. "Do you have a pencil?" it asked distractedly. I nodded and passed one over. It proceeded to draw a small dot at one end of the paper. "This is The Beginning," it said, and drew another dot at the other end of the paper. It paused. "And this is the End." I nodded again, then inhaled sharply. "It can't be!" I cried in a small voice.. "The end of Everything?" It glanced over at me looking very annoyed. "No. The ending point of the rat race that you humans have created for yourselves." It jabbed at the point.

"You seem to think that the purpose of life is to follow a general path, from innocence (it poked at the first point) to understanding (it stabbed at the second point) and in doing so, 'become closerrrr to the truuuuuth!" It rolled its eyes. "Where's the logic?"

It began to draw a series of squiggly lines leading from the first point, in the general direction of the second point, and said "Even though the only task we've given you to do is to explore and map this particular plane of existence -- ONE degree out of an infinite number of degrees -- you persist in tramping over the same old footprints, again and again. Once in a while someone interesting comes along and cuts through a bit of wilderness... but the second the herd hears about it BAM!" It slapped its palm down flat on the paper and looked me straight in the eye. "There's another highway. Not only is this traffic spoiling my aesthetic beauty... but nothing important is getting accomplished! Do you see the problem?!"

I nodded. It smiled.

"Good! Then I'll expect a full report of your travelings."

I felt a moment of panic and yelled "Hold on! No! I don't understand... What are you talking about? How do I travel a different path? How do I know where I'm going without a map?"

It frowned impatiently and walked back. "Where you ought to be going, there is no map. That's the entire point of the matter! You must use the map of what has been done before, and keep turning yourself in angles from everything that is already known. Then you'll be travelling in a new direction."

It looked at me. "Is it clear now?" I hesitated, and then said, "I don't think I received a map. I don't remember getting one.."

It smiled. "That's all? It's inside of you and has been. Every new being gets the most updated version of its home plane. Yours hasn't been updated in a while. Every emotion that's been experienced, every joy, every pain is tucked inside of you like a memory. You'll know it's true if you happen to stumble over a bump or chance to see a view that's been seen before. It will feel familiar... maybe nice and maybe painful... but you'll recognize it when you come to it. That's a clue to start turning in angles."

Pause.

"Do you remember how to turn in angles?"

I shook my head.

"Like this," it said, and took the paper in its hands. "You are at the beginning right now. Where would you like to be?"

I thought for a moment, and then said the most logical thing that came to mind. "The end, I suppose." It grinned, and held the paper higher in the air. "Observe!" It said, and with a flourish, brought the edges of the paper crashing together, the two dots overlapping.

"That... is how you turn in angles."

inward...outward