2003-03-02 - 10:48 p.m.: precipitation

at the top of the hancock observatory in chicago--on the skywalk--you can hear the noise a city makes. it is amazing. it is beautiful. it is a single heavy chord composed of heels, dogs, wheezes, wheels, dumpster lids, buckets, windows, voices, sirens, fans, trucks, brakes, screen doors, televisions, vendors, laughter, yells, earth-moving equipment, horns, a cat, a neighbor saying "hello," a stranger saying "fuck you, asshole!" a bus hissing to a stop a post-card peddler whistling for his wanda a boombox heart-thudding bass beats news anchors live at the scene of the 21 sad songs machines humming people crying people wanting people moving and shaking and building and tearing down and stepping and dripping and seeing and being.

it sounded like an industrial wind.

i descended back to earth with that roar still echoing in my ears.

it's strange to walk or talk or otherwise re-enter the world knowing that there exists a perspective from which you don't exist. knowing that you've owned that perspective.

hmmmm.

i wonder if that's what it's like to be born. (yes, i am a PRIME tourist. i am one of those obnoxious goofy-eyed wanderers able to enjoy galleries and alley-ways with equal reverence (i.e. lack of background information). i forget to take pictures but only because i'm irresponsible and lose the film. give me a digital camera and i'll show you the masterpieces carved in between the bricks of the monuments.)

went on the "untouchables" tour and learned about gangsters. you know... i've never seen the untouchables. OR the godfather. any of them. sorta glad, now... because i'll see them for the first time knowing who everyone is. there's got to be something rich in that.

went to the fake funeral of someone i've never met who wasn't really dead. ("flanagan's wake" at the noble fool. funny stuff. :)

but the last, best part was adler's planetarium. i swear... someone shoot me because i'm in love with the stars. next i'll be scribbling hearts and unicorns on my folder. how much fucking mystery can you squeeze out of a spot of light in the sky? man... i wish... i wish.... fuck me. i could never be an astronaut because i'm too impatient. they'd say, "hey cool... you get to go to the moon!" i'd say, "screw the moon. let's fly out as far as we can and just see what happens!" i want to see and know and feel everything at once. science takes baby steps. i want to know what's close to zero. i want to see every level--every infinite degree--at the same time. i want to see the biggest picture. i want to see the smallest detail. i want to see myself in a fractal. i want to see that fractal in a fractal. i want to....

you know what i mean.

have a good night.

inward...outward