2003-03-04 - 9:30 p.m.: windex

if you ever need me to turn a sentence into a story, just ask.

i'm all about clearing things up.

i'm afraid, sometimes, that writing in here... lets me hide too much. like, i'm running my rag over the already-shiny parts while leaving the messier ones covered in dust. i want the diary me to be as real as the livingbreathing me so that when i'm old and memory-less i can get to know who i was, and see how far i've come (or gone).

i don't want to express or connect on just a literary level. i want to transcend.

along those lines, this is what i look like:

(luscious has told me that my features don't match. until i actually saw myself in this picture, i didn't know what he meant. but now i do. and--you got it--it makes me smile. my eyes are quick and responsive... my nose and mouth take a while to catch up, and the in-person effect is really quite funny.)

umm... outside of clarity and sense: here is what i was thinking today:

i don't know if i'm a solid or a liquid. i don't know what films are surrounding me, keeping me in place. i think i might be a displaced drip. hmmm. i don't know how to say this. i think i am fixed by... i think i am wrapped in colloidosomes. it's hard to know. maybe if i asked....

anyone know?

inward...outward