2003-05-02 - 12:24 a.m.: rivulets

i'm only writing to clear my head for the fantabulous sangrrrrrria dreams sure to come stumbling in later tonight. they'll take the back door, because they know their sleeping sisters will be pissed at the hour and the alcohol on their breath. they'll whisper "shhhh" then laugh, in spanish, but it will sound just like english because "shhh"s and laughs sound the same no matter where you go.

i really only have two things to say, i think.

one is that i decided that the reason i dodge worms on sidewalks after rainstorms is NOT that i'm kind-hearted and care--i mean really care--about the worms, but because i have a big head and hate thinking of my body as a death machine in smurf village.

the other is that i'm very pleased. i had no idea what it would be like to see or talk to luscious again. actually, i had lots of ideas. i thought maybe it would feel weird. i thought we'd be strangers. i thought it might hurt. i thought maybe all kinds of repressed sad feelings would come welling to the surface at once and overwhelm me. i thought i'd still feel in love. i thought i'd feel numb. i thought we'd be fake with each other and force ugly smiles. empty words...i didn't know. what happened was something much more mysterious and beautiful. i felt like i knew him since before i was born. i also felt shy.

to say any more about it would really just wrap it up in words.

it was really just that simple.

pure like first grade.

and now for sleep and dreaming.

goodnight!

inward...outward