2003-07-27 - 6:59 p.m.: creamsicle swirl

when your life is about to change, it doesn't really warn you. i mean... you know it could happen... but it could happen like a heart attack could happen. like a freak storm. i've been thinking and planning on such an abstract level... now that the things i wanted are right here, right in front of me, i can't help but be surprised. freaked. too much, too soon. too bad.

i have that tight, shoulders-to-ears feeling that i hate because you don't notice it until someone tells you to relaxxxxxx... and you want to defend yourself saying, "i am relaxed, i'm a relaxed person" but your body betrays you with a rigidity that it won't lose, no matter how hard you try to shake it off.

shake it off. shake it shake it off.

because i also feel wonderful . :o)

(this is about moving. about leaving. about throwing things away to make myself easier to carry. about saying goodbye. about learning how to value the fine threads that keep people in touch when they're out of reach. (about fiber-optic friendships.) about living in a city bordered by mountains on one side and ocean on the other.... saying goodnight and goodmorning to endless and jagged horizons.)

if you want any books, i'm giving them away.

or coats or picture frames or lamps.

or anything at all.

i feel like a turtle on a diet.

inward...outward