2002-06-05 - 5:44 a.m.: warm gatorade

i am soooo sore... my legs are like rubber and i can�t lift my feet completely off the ground without seeming to danse macabre.... i ran a half-marathon on sunday (13 miles or ~21 kilometers) without training properly... and my body is really abused... who knew that a rib cage could be bruised from an assault of over-stressed lungs? oooowwwwwhhhhh....... i�ll be fine in four days, i�m sure of it.

i was thinking about *faces* the other day... and their importance to living. I was reading virginia woolf�s �to the lighthouse�... and mrs. ramsay says, at one point, �but nevertheless, the fact remained; it was almost impossible to dislike anyone if one looked at them�... is this true? there are so few people that i would actually admit to disliking... but have i ever really *looked* at them? have i ever been close enough to them to examine their features? look in their eyes? count their nosehairs? probably not.... in fact.... situations during which it�s easiest to �dislike� people (for me, which is not too often) are those involving cars... especially very large ones with tinted windows. i had never considered, before, automobiles as obscuring the �person� of the person.. I�ve always looked at them as more like �extensions� of the person... but i suppose that, looking at a vehicle, one would see only the garish, glaring reflection of the world, a monster grill, headlights, etc.... and perhaps, if anything, a vague, shadowy outline of some sort of person-like figure. but definitely NOT a face�

and from the perspective of the DRIVER! what is there to worry about? you can nearly run someone over and zoom away, secure in the certainty that they never knew it was you� the closest they could possibly come to blaming you is the peculiar arrangement of numbers on your license plate. and corporations� do they have to provide good products? why should they?! they don�t have to look the consumer in the eyes�. and the government� should they feel bad about screwing over impoverished single mothers or medicareless old men? no! there�s no face-to-face admittance of guilt� hmmm.. maybe i�m carrying this a little too far. but still.. i think there�s something there�..

but maybe not. because in diaryland you can�t see faces at all.. but you can�t help but like people for their words. maybe words are deeper, even, than faces. maybe words are the people inside the people� eyes like windsheilds. maybe. maybe not. maybe i�ve been reading too much.

*sigh*

it is so quiet and hot and humid in here.. i feel like i�m inside a womb.

�There�s something new to sing about�. Cha cha cha.�

-- toilet paper advertisement (seriously)

inward...outward